Fun with Alchemy
by Graceful Pledge
Summary: A Lament of Innocence fanfic. What happens when Joachim gets his hands on a book of alchemy, will he create chaos and will this give him the edge to defeat Walter. Find out how Joachim, Walter, and even Leon get all entangled in this mess.


**Fun with Alchemy**

**A Castlevania: Lament of Innocence fanfic**

**A/N: Well this is my second go for a Castlevania fanfic. After much thought (and playing) about Lament of Innocence, I thought maybe I can write a fanfic about this game. Next thing I knew… BAM! I have a fanfic right in front of my computer. Hope you guys enjoy.**

**Don't forget to read and review like good little boys and girls. (Leon runs up with a vial of holy water and splashes it all over the readers. "The power of Christ COMPELS YOU!") LOL.**

**Disclaimer:** Nope, I still do not own Konami or any of these characters, period.

**P.S. Many thanks to Zethen Delacroix, whose positive review on my first Castlevania fanfic inspired me to move forward and create my second Castlevania fanfic. Thank You Zethen, I couldn't have done this without your supportive review. **

During the 11th century, in the year 1095, an uneasy atmosphere has befallen the people of Europe. Armies of monsters had mysteriously spawned, wrecking havoc on villages, killing indiscriminately. Located around the outskirts of Wallachia, a forest under perpetual darkness called Eternal Night can be found. Filled with rumours and tell tale stories of a castle under the domain of vampire deep in the forest, many do not dare to enter this uninviting threshold.

Last night, two brave souls had entered the forest. Prepared with iron-clad armour and armed with weapons, the hunters are determined to bring down the vampire Walter Bernhard. But there hasn't been any sign of the duo's safe return.

In the deep cold underground regions of the castle, a faint voice can be heard behind a huge waterfall.

_"I'm lonely... I'm so lonely... I have nobody all night LONG..."_

Inside a dark room hidden by the waterfall, a willowy figure was sitting in the pitch black corner, softly singing to himself to pass the time, and scribbling with his right index finger a doodle that appears to be a stick figure of him stabbing repeatedly another stick figure with the name Walter on it.

_"That damn Walter thinks he's so high and mighty..." _The man muttered._ "Well I'll show him what I've got. I'll find a way to escape this prison... DIE, DIE, DIE!" _And with these words he punched the damp ground out of spite.

"Are you sure this is the right way, brother? This looks like another dead end." A voice unfamiliar to the prisoner shouted from the other side of the door.

"I'm absolutely sure that this is it the one Mark, now stop doubting and help me open this big door. It won't budge if I push this by myself." Another voice shouted from the outside.

_"It looks like I have a couple of hunters to deal with again." _The dark prisoner thought as he turned his attention to the big old creaking door being slowly opened.

Two hunters have stepped into the domain of the recluse, unaware of the impending doom in their future.

The shorter of the two men looked around, back and forth, and then said- "I told you this is another dead end room Gavin. But NO... you wouldn't listen to me, just cuz you're the only one here who can swing a sword."

"Do you want to save our sister... yes? Then listen to your older brother then!" Gavin snapped. "Anyway, you should be thankful that I had not given up on you and your constant complaining and skepticism. Seriously, do you think you can walk around this monster-infested castle with only a book in your hand?"

"It's not just A BOOK; it's way more than that."

"Alright then, prove it right now." Gavin proposed.

"What, right now?" Mark replied in disbelief. "Why now!"

"Well, now is a good time Mark." Gavin reasoned. "We're all by ourselves in this room, so there's no monster here to bother us. So..."

_"Ahem..."_ The dark figure, who had been cloaking himself under the darkness mockingly made a cough to get the brother's attention.

"Huh, who's there?" Gavin asked, his voice echoing throughout the room.

Finally, the man of the dark water prison had emerged out of the shadows to reveal his slender, pale self. He sighed and crossed his arms, his blood red eyes burning like crimson flame. He seemed quite displeased with what he had seen and heard.

_"Are you fools done bickering or what! I've been watching everything since you two noisily trespassed my room."_

"Hey what makes you think you can talk big to us, weakling!" Gavin angrily replied.

A quick sharp twitch went across the prisoner's face. His eyes widened and his fist clenched with rage from the word "weakling".

"Ummm... Gavin, I don't think this is a human were dealing with here." Mark warned.

"Hah! Human or not I'm gonna slice this wuss down to nothing!" Gavin drew his two-handed broad sword from its sheath and charged straight to his target.

_"Big mistake."_ The man chuckled. The hunter made a jump for the kill, but all he did was take a step backwards and raised his arm.

All of a sudden a sword flew out from the dark shadows of the room and pierced the hunter's vulnerable head.

_"Who's the weakling now?"_ The target had quickly become the killer; the tables have turned, into an inevitable death for the duo in the hands of this inhuman being.

"No, it can't be... GAVIN!" Mark burst into tears.

The blood-stained killer began to slowly approach his next target.

"Stay... stay back... STAY AWAY FROM ME!" Stricken with horror, Mark turned and started to run away, only to find the object of his fear right in front of him.

_"Boo!"_

With just a little prod from his long, thin forefinger on the fleeing hunter's forehead, the victim fell back to meet his demise.

For there was a sword pointed right behind him, which pierced through the hunter's heart.

"What are you?" The gravely injured hunter manages to utter his few last words.

_"Well, if you put it that way, I'll tell you since I think you should know at least who brought you a nice trip to the afterlife. My name is Joachim Armster, the vampire prince and guardian of the Dark Palace of the Waterfalls."_

"Curse you wretched creature." And with his last breath, he closed his eyes and died.

_"Game over..." _Joachim muttered.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Several hours had passed since Joachim had his last "visitors", and now he has begun disposing of the corpses.

_"Let's see... hmmm... nothing out of the ordinary here, except for this cauldron, a bunch of kindling, a strange little stick with a red tip, and three bags labeled salt, sulpher, and mercury. Other than that, they're just like any of those previous hunter scums."_

Then he noticed the book that belonged to one of the hunters was right beside its corpse, still in good condition, albeit slightly stained with dirt and blood.

_"A book... well no one has ever left me one like this before."_ Joachim paused for a moment, pondering what he should do to with the book._ "To chuck or not to chuck? Hmmm…"_

_"All those fool's squabbling makes me kind of wonder, who in their right mind would carry a book with them instead of a weapon?"_

He picked up the book and read the first few pages out of curiosity and plain boredom.

**Fun with Alchemy**

**All the steps you need to become a successful alchemist.**

_Alchemy... so the other hunter was an alchemist._ Joachim thought for a while and continued reading.

**Step 1: Fill a cauldron with water and heat it.**

**Step 2: Find an object you wish to alter.**

Joachim took the cauldron and gathered some water dripping from the ceiling. Then he started a fire using the kindling and the red tipped stick, and he picked up a rock afterwards.

**Step 3: Heat up the substance and wait for ten seconds.**

PLOP... After ten seconds...

A pot lid popped out of the cauldron.

_"I got... a POT LID!" _Joachim shouted. _"What am I supposed to do with a useless pot lid?"_

He chucked it into the corner and looked back at the book to see where he had gone wrong.

_"Where did I go wrong…? Where did I go wrong…? Wait! What's this...? Oh so that's where I went wrong."_ Joachim said in realization. The following page after Step 3 revealed the answer.

**NOTE: To be able to successfully alter objects with minimal limitations (such as size), remember to draw a magic circle where all altered materials will be channeled out. Draw the symbol (most preferable beside the cauldron) shown on the next page using salt, sulpher and mercury.**

Joachim turned the pages of the book to find the symbol of a circle with three small triangles drawn inside, and the sign of a tiny smiley face in the centre.

_"What the... is this really the symbol of alchemy? Hmmm... Worth a shot I guess, it's not like I have better things to do anyway in here."_

He drew the dubious symbol the book instructed, beside the cauldron filled with simmering water.

_"Now this had better work." _Joachim thought. _"But this time let's try not one, but six rocks."_

A shiny metallic toaster appeared out of the magic circle.

_"Better than a pot lid that's for sure. I think I'm getting the hang of this weird alchemy."_

Joachim now had the confidence to perform numerous alchemy alterations, using whatever he could get his hands on. From rocks to discarded armours and weapons, even the corpses weren't gone to waste.

_"I'm beginning to really enjoy this."_ Joachim happily said.

Meanwhile... somewhere around the Dark Palace of the Waterfalls, hurrying footsteps broke the silence. It seems another vampire hunter had penetrated the castle. A skilled and agile hunter, armed with only a whip, a few sub weapons, and a magic imbued gauntlet. The man, Leon Belmont, fearlessly explored the castle with much valor.

"This little switch opens up the pathway connected to the waterfall." Leon contemplated. "So if I backtrack the previous area I've passed by... about... two hours ago, then I'll finally reach the part where the guardian of this area could be. Damn, backtracking is such a pain. I sure hope I don't end up running around in circles like I did at the Anti-Soul Mystery Lab."

Leon turned around and started doing the long backtrack to reach the final unexplored part of underground.

After a good solid three hours, Leon was at last in front of the door hidden behind a huge waterfall, looking a bit exhausted.

"Oh god, I thought I would never find this place; time to go in."

Leon took a big breath and slowly opened the big creaking door, with much to his surprise; Leon had seen something that he had never imagined would actually exist in his day and age.

The room was still dark, but there is strange furniture and decoration all over the place, which would normally be seen in a typical house of the nineties. There's a leather sofa, a gas stove, a chess set, a coffee table, a king size bed, a portrait of a watering can, and strangely enough there's even a Sony Playstation hooked up to a T.V.

"What is this place?" Leon scratched his short blonde locks; totally perplexed to see so many weird contraptions in one small dark room.

Leon caught a glimpse of what seems to be someone sitting on the damp ground with its back facing him.

"Is someone there? Are you a prisoner here?"

Joachim turned his head and looked at his new visitor. _"Who are you?"_

"My name is Leon. And you are?"

Joachim stood up and started to walk towards Leon. _"My name... is Joachim Armster. It's too bad you aren't Walter."_ And his eyes begin to glow, showing its shade of unnatural red.

"... This feeling... are you a vampire?"

"That's right! Lowly human."

"Ummm... is this room supposed to be a prison or what?" Leon asked, looking around the awkward furniture.

_"Shut up! It's none of your business! Damn Walter. I can't wait to beat him and his Ebony Stone!"_

Leon inquired, "Ebony Stone? What's that?"

_"If you want to know... BEAT ME!"_ Joachim pointed at the chess set that's sitting on a small round table with two egg chairs right beside it.

"Are you really the guardian of this place?" Leon doubted the vampire.

_"How dare you question me?" _Joachim said angrily, and five swords suddenly lift themselves out of the ground and starting to revolve around its enraged wielder.

A bead of sweat went down on Leon's face. Oh I really don't want to fight him head-on right now, the vampire hunter thought, I'm still tired from all that backtracking just to get here.

Leon reluctantly agreed. "Alright, alright, I accept your challenge." He had no choice but to comply, for he knew that he doesn't have the strength right now to fight the vampire.

_"Excellent, now let's begin." _Joachim said with enthusiasm. _"Best out of three..."_

"Say what!"

CVCVCVCVCVCVCVCVCVCVCVCVCVCVCVCVCVCVCVCVCVCVCVCVCVCVCVCVCVCVCVCVCVCVCVCVCVCV

While Joachim and Leon are locked in a heated best out of three chess match. There's a different commotion going on in the throne room located in the highest part of the castle.

"What is taking Leon so long?" Walter asked himself with an indignant tone of voice. "I've been waiting for hours here! He should be here by now, desperately trying to defeat me in a battle he can't win."

Walter sat down on his throne and waited. "I'll wait for one more hour, which should give him enough time to get up here."

Another hour had passed...

Walter was pacing back and forth, impatiently waiting. "Arghh... I am so BORED! I can't take it anymore, I'm going to go and see what is taking Leon so long." He stormed out of the throne room and began scouring the castle.

30 minutes later...

Walter can be found walking somewhere around the Dark Palace of the Waterfalls, with his hand resting on his chin, thinking- "Four out five orbs in the castle entrance have been lit already, so Leon has already defeated Medusa, the Succubus, the Golem, and the Undead Parasite. That means he should be wandering around here somewhere or at least fighting against Joachim now, well we'll see about that."

He stopped in front of the big door behind the waterfall and opened it without hesitation.

Walter's eyes widened with shock and confusion as he saw the weird nineties furniture and decor in Joachim's itty bitty room.

_"Ha ha, take that and that. DIE, DIE, DIE!" _Joachim shouted at Leon.

Apparently both Joachim and Leon were too busy playing a hot, intense game of Twisted Metal 2 to even notice the other new visitor.

"You're not going to win that easily." Leon snapped back, and he pressed a bunch of buttons madly in the Playstation controller. "I have you now!" His car (Outlaw) fired three big homing missiles, which caused Joachim's car (Sweet Tooth) to explode and go up in flames.

_"NO NO NO! Arghhhh! DAMN YOU HUMAN!" _Joachim stood up and threw his Playstation controller towards Leon, who ducked in the nick of time.

"Serves you right for batting my hand away every time I try and reach for the game manual." Leon grimaced. "And besides, I caught you cheating red-handed on all three of the chess games we've played, so none of those count."

_"Only morons read a game manual. Real professionals never look at them... unless you're stuck." _Joachim mumbled and crossed his arms.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?" Walter shouted, both Joachim and Leon stopped talking and turned their heads to see the furious vampire.

_"Walter! What are you doing here?" _Joachim mockingly asked.

"What am I doing here?" Walter scoffed. "I'm the one asking questions here, not you. It appears you're hiding something from me, aren't you Joachim? I know you're not capable of this kind of magic, let alone alchemy!"

_"My, my, you're quite observant. I'm just having a little fun, that's all, thanks to this book." _Joachim picked up his book of alchemy, proudly waving it about. Truly he had never experience any fun in his life as far as he can remember; now he had a cool spiffy room of the future. _"Come to think of it, now that you're here anyway, Walter, I can finally kick your sorry little ass and soon this entire castle will be mine, mine I tell you MINE!" _

"Heh, not if I kill both of you fools first!" Walter fired two homing projectiles towards them, hoping that he could get a preemptive strike at his two off guard targets.

"This is it," Leon said as he swiftly dodged the assault, "The final battle, I'LL KILL YOU AND THE NIGHT!" He took out his whip of alchemy and charged at Walter, though his attacks didn't seem to have an effect on him.

Walter laughed. "The noble knight, Leon Belmont thinks he's so great, well I'd like to see you try." He unleashed his hellfire at Leon, who retaliated by throwing his axe sub weapon, canceling out both projectiles.

_"Hmmm... this does not bode well." _Joachim thought. _"That human can't even deal a single scratch on Walter at this state. If this keeps up both of us will end up getting killed."_ Then he looked at the book in his hand, wondering- _"Unless..."_

While the conniving Joachim was scheming something that was sure to raise hell, Walter dashed in front of Leon and did a charging slash, which knocked him down, landing on his back.

_"Hey, Leon, give me some of your sub weapons."_ Joachim said in a rather straightforward manner. _"I have a plan."_

Leon caught a glimpse of the devious look on Joachim's face and doubted the vampire's words. "What makes you think I'll just play along with your tricks, you hack. You've mistaken me for a fool!"

_"Look, do you want to win or not? As much as I don't like you, we both want to beat the crap out of Walter, so quit wasting my time and energy and give me your sub weapons!"_

Aware of the severity of his situation, Leon knew that he needed a new battle approach if he is to defeat Walter, the vampire who started this whole mess. "Fine, here take it." He reluctantly gave his precious sub weapons to Joachim hoping that he didn't make a grave mistake by trusting him. "Wuh wuh wait, what am I supposed to use to fight against Walter with my sub weapons gone!"

Joachim paused for a moment and then said- _"Oh, thanks for reminding me, I almost forgot. Here use this, it may look useless but I used alchemy to put a little holy property in it."_

"Ha! Like that would work!" Walter interrupted.

"You have got to be kidding me!" Leon complained. "A POT LID and a TOASTER?"

_"Just use it human!" _Joachim said as he started to alter all of Leon's sub weapons with alchemy. _"Take it already; they're starting to burn my hands! Just give me a few seconds and IT will be done."_

Leon sighed and threw the pot lid and the toaster at the over confident Walter.

Walter ducked to dodge the pot lid, "Ha, missed!". But he forgot to duck again, which caused a direct headshot with the toaster. Being the holy infused object that it is, it left a big red mark on Walter's cheek.

"Grrrrrrrr... now you're gonna get it!" Walter went into a big rage and started to transform into his 'true/monster' form.

"Uh-oh." Leon nervously said. "This can't be good."

_"Run you bastard! Run! Run for your life! Save Yourself!" _Joachim screamed.

"Behold! My unbridled wrath!"

BOOM!

Leon started to run like hell, with a huge fiery shockwave trailing right behind him. But it eventually caught up with Leon, which sent him flying towards the wall, giving him a really hard landing.

"Owww..." Leon groaned.

_"It's done." _Joachim told his badly injured ally. _"I'm amazed that you actually survived that."_

"It's going to take more than an A-bomb-like explosion to defeat me." Leon said, trying his best to stand up straight. His attention was suddenly caught by the strange, white, sphere-like device that Joachim has in his hand. "What the hell's that!"

_"I think it's what they call A BOMB."_ Joachim answered. _"This is what came out after I altered all your sub weapons, so it better be good."_

"Let me use it!" Leon suggested, trying to take the bomb out of Joachim's hand, but failed.

_"No, I'll use it."_ Joachim said. _"Just stall Walter for just a little while, trust me."_

"Again!" Leon shouted in disbelief.

_"Oh, and by the way, when I say 'Duck and cover', hide as fast as you can alright. I don't know how powerful this bomb is so just watch out."_

"Now I feel so much better." Leon sarcastically said.

_"Don't blame me if you die from this. Now quit screwing around and go!"_

Leon sighed and charged once again at Walter, hoping that Joachim's crazy scheme doesn't become his death.

"You never learn don't you?" Walter confidently said to the battle worn hunter. "Time to DIE!" He dashed towards Leon, prepared to finish him off once and for all.

Suddenly a white sphere-like bomb gently rolled in between the two combatants, with a lit fuse.

"Ha! You think this little thing can harm me? I am beloved by the night!"

"DUCK AND COVER!" Joachim shouted with the loudest voice that he can muster. Leon quickly ran away from the bomb and jumped to hide behind the leather sofa where Joachim had also been hiding.

KABOOOOOOOOM!

"Nooooooooooooo! This can't be happening!" Walter's cry can be heard slowly diminishing, marking the end of his life.

After 1 minute...

Leon cautiously stood up from behind the sofa, seeing only a big sea of white, he asked himself-

"Walter's definitely dead now, but why is everything all white? Am I dead?"

_"YOU'RE NOT DEAD!"_ A mysterious booming voice said.

"Huh, what was that?" Leon looked around to see who said that.

_"It's me you idiot!"_ Joachim said as he stood up, looking around to see his prison room completely destroyed.

"Well, my duty here is done." Leon proudly said, as he brushed away the dirt and dust. Then he started to walk away.

"Just shut up and leave, human!" Joachim resentfully said.

Leon was now nowhere to be seen, he had finally left.

_"Great! It looks like the entire castle was completely destroyed by the explosion. Guess I have no reason to stay here anymore, gotta find another place to stay. But that sure was fun, Walter's dead and I'm free at last!" _Joachim left the castle ruins before the sunlight fully shone on the forest. _"At least I can now use alchemy to make the greatest castle ever, maybe even better than Walter's, that's for sure."_

And in the distance Joachim's maniacal laugh can be heard.

**EPILOGUE**

MEANWHILE, SOMEWHERE IN A FAR AWAY MENANCING HOUSE...

**Mathias: **Ah, Death, you've returned at last. Have you obtained Walter's soul?

**Death:** Ummm… well…

**Mathias: **Speak up! What happened to the powerful vampire soul that I covet!

**Death: **When I went to the forest, strangely enough there was daylight, and the castle was nothing but a pile of rubble.

**Mathias: **And…

**Death: **And Walter's soul can't be found, it seems his soul was also completely obliterated like his body, since his corpse was nowhere to be found. And I also found this book in the scene undamaged.

**Mathias: **A book? I'm intrigued, what does it say?

**Death:** It's entitled- **"Fun with Alchemy"**, but there's a scribbling right next to it saying: **"JOACHIM KICKS WALTER ASS! NOT LEON."**

**Mathias:** WHATTTT!

_**THE END **_


End file.
